The Raghavan Family in Bangalore

February 2007 Update from Bangalore

Thursday, February 1, 2007

The big news this month is that we sold our house in San Diego, California. Surprisingly, it took less than a month to find a buyer and agree on a price. There's still paperwork to do (including me flying to Chennai, India, to have documents notarized), but it looks like it'll go through. Badri's there now on a work trip.

Here's the timeline:

Jan. 5: Badri talked with Lori Imhof, a realtor in the neighborhood who I'd spoken with a lot when we lived in San Diego. She said most houses are sitting on the market for over 30 days.

Jan. 16: For sale sign put on house.

Jan. 17: Lori getting house spruced up.

Jan. 21: Sunday Open house. 25 people and 5 agents show up, including some neighbors.

Jan. 31: Final offer accepted.

I feel terrible about not having called the neighbors directly to let them know what was coming up. Things moved very fast. We really did go back and forth for a few years about whether to keep the house and move back to San Diego, or re-locate to the east coast of the U.S. when we returned there. Finally, we decided we wanted to live on the east coast, near family. It didn't make sense to go back to San Diego after India, then switch to the Boston area after a few years, so there you go.

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Had a couple friends over, Sarah and Trushita. Trushita is a returned non-resident Indian (NRI) who lived in the states for years. She has one seven year old boy, and is unhappy with the school situation here. She is interested in home schooling Ved, so I hooked up her and Sarah, who homeschools her two eldest children, Sammy and Martha (7 and 8). Sammy and Ved really clicked right away.

This evening went out for a much needed dinner with Priya, Kirsty, and Jennifer Austin and Jennnifer Adair. It seems like more husbands are on work travel all at once than ever before, so we thought we'd have a bolstering evening out. And it worked. Tried Barbecue Nation on 100 ft Rd in Indiranagar for the first time. Very nice ambience, with grills on the table where they bring prawns, chicken, beef, and vegetables on skewers. There are also marinades and sauces you can put on the skewers while they finish cooking.

Priya filled us in on her terrific trip to the Maldives, and gave Jennifer Austin tips on where to go in Thailand. Kirsty's (mother of 3) looking forward to her husband Andrew coming home after 2 1/2 weeks away. Jennifer Adair shared with us her frustration at not being able to get any work done (she's working on an early childhood development research project and will be starting her dissertation soon, if not already) and inability to communicate with her driver. To those of you in the west (i.e., U.S., Europe, etc.) this will sound obnoxious, but one tough decision people have when they come here is how many people to hire. Jennifer has one helper (besides her driver), and finds it's difficult to get all the cooking, shopping, and cleaning done, and still have time to get some work done.

Of course, there are the rare supermoms out there, like my friend Sarah, mother of four (2, 4, 7, and 8 years old). Her husband works for a water NGO and she has a house cleaner four hours a day, six days a week. She has no driver, cook, or nanny. Anyone who knows her, or knows of her, bows down to her. Her husband is on the road at least 30% of the time. AND she home schools. So it can be done. You just have to have the patience of a saint and some really well-behaved children who will sit quietly while the other one(s) are having guitar and piano lessons.

Those in the west may wonder why in tarnation anyone would need a driver. Come here, see the traffic, and you'll have your answer. Complete lawlessness and non-stop cacaphony of horns. Badri sometimes jokes about how horns and brakes are interchanged: rather than put on the brakes, most people beep their horns.

Why not do the housecleaning? The level of dust and dirt that falls in the house daily requires that the tile floors be swept and swabbed (mopped) daily (especially with allergies and asthmatic child). There are no automatic dishwashers, so doing dishes would take an eternity.

Why not do the cooking? This is one job I know a few western friends do partly on their own, but they have a maid who helps them with the prepping, like cleaning and soaking the vegetables. Why not do the shopping? There are no supermarkets here. For the most part, you must go to a few places to buy all the necessities, and for Indian cooking, it's nice to have fresh vegetables daily. Houses generally aren't built with the kitchen in view of the play/living area, so it's tough to keep an eye on the children while doing kitchen work.

It takes about half an hour, at least, to get to any appointment or destination, and it's tough to do more than one thing in a day. If it works out and you're able to cross two to-dos off your list, that's a bonus.

People ask me what I do with my day now that all three kids are in school. I get up at 6am so I can get Maya to the bus at 7:15 (I get Molly and Charlie up before then and make their breakfast and help them get dressed also, so they can come to the bus stop with me--thank god Molly is becoming more self-sufficient: finally wants to do things herself instead of letting mommy do them). I take Molly and Charlie to school at 8:30, then go to yoga Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. That gives me time to come home, have breakfast, and take a shower before picking up Charlie at 11am. Between 9:30 and 10:30 I also talk to Rita, the main helper, about the day's menu and whether I need her to do any of the three children's pick ups if I have something else going on.

I play with and give Charlie lunch between 11:15 and 12:15, then put him down for a nap. At 12:45, I head to Neev school again to pick up Molly. If she's feeling energetic, we might go to the bookstore (excellent new Crosswords on 12th Main near the school) or on another errand, or we'll come home, read books, and she'll go down for a nap. Lately, she wants me to lay down with her and I sometimes end up snoozing off myself.

Charlie wakes by 3 or 3:30 and lately he's in a bit of a mood when he wakes up. We read for a while. By 4pm, the park across the street opens and the three of us do a couple rounds then play in the "jungle", another adjoining park where there are lots of seeds to find, or "talk" to one of their favorite dogs, Ari, that lives in an apartment that looks on to the park.

By 5pm we go to the bus stop to pick up Maya. Then it's time to come home, have dinner, Maya homework, baths, and books before bed. Badri's usually home between 6 and 6:30, but he's in the U.S. January 28-February 9. We all miss him tons, and Maya daily asks how many days until he comes home.


Friday, February 2, 2007

Had Kirsty and her children over for a playdate and we had fun over in the "jungle". Went out to dinner at TaiTai, a restaurant above the Bombay Store on MG Road. Karen Mehta and her husband Homey are moving back to Ohio after spending nine years in India, so we got together with Marylouise and Inder, and Jolene and Simon. While leaving, I ran into Priya and Kush.


Saturday, February 3, 2007

Rita went with Maya to Claytopia to celebrate her friend, Sandhya's, birthday. I brought Charlie and Molly over to watch rugby near Brigade Road. Kirsty, Jennifer, Jolene, and other families were there, but we didn't last long because Charlie and Molly were too tired and a bit run down.

Maya came back from her party and all three had good naps. Then we brought Maya to Hippocampus, a library in Koramangala, where she is doing a four-part art workshop with our friend Sheela. While Maya was doing art, Charlie, Molly, and I spent an hour at Kirsty's, right around the corner. We all enjoyed ourselves. Kirsty and I feel like we are the sisters we don't have here in India, comfortable enough to call each other for support and to hang out.

Since the kids had such long naps, we came home and had popcorn and watched a video, Oswald, which is all their favorite these days.


Sunday, February 4, 2007

Today is Mom's 69th birthday. I called her to wish her all the best in Puerto Rico, where she's celebrating with a friend, Doreen. She says it's absolutely gorgeous and Doreen lives right on the beach. I'm so happy she's taking advantage of this opportunity to travel. Hopefully we'll get to see her here in India next year!

This afternoon Maya had her workshop again. Spent some time at Kirsty's then walked her up to Hippocampus (around the corner from Kirsty's). Then we had dinner with her and Andrew.


Monday, February 5, 2007

Amazing, but true. Staff left early today, by 2 pm, and I picked up Molly and Charlie at 11 am from school because the water commission is releasing a report this afternoon. Why, you might ask, does the city shut down because a water report is being released? Because the authorities are afraid that some people will be unhappy with the results of the report and will commence rioting throughout the city. See link: http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/Cities/Bangalore/Big_water_verdict_today/articleshow/1560613.cms
There are disputes among four states (including Karnataka, where we live) as to who needs the most water, and the results could be contentious.

Update: just received a message on my phone that the Canadian School is closed tomorrow. If Maya's school is closed, then Molly and Charlie's usually is, too. So this is what my Mom felt like when there were snow days when we were kids. We'd listen to the radio to hear which schools were closed because of too much snow. Of course, the kids were ecstatic if their district was closed. I never asked my Mom how she felt about those announcements:)

http://www.alertnet.org/thenews/newsdesk/SP287604.htm

The schools were all closed just last month, January 22, because of violence in the streets due to the fallout after Saddam Hussain's hanging. http://www.expressindia.com/fullstory.php?newsid=80065


Tuesday, February 6, 2007

Kept the kids busy today with two impromptu playdates with people in the neighborhood: Kavi and Priya in the a.m., and Jennifer, Berkeley, and Atticus in the afternoon. Barely any cars went by all day. Good thing we didn't have to go anywhere to have fun.


Wednesday, February 7, 2007

Got the kids all ready by 7am and took all three by autorickshaw to Maya's busstop on Airport Rd. in Domlur (about 10 minutes drive--or 37rs roundtrip [I gave a total of 50rs since the auto driver waited]). Later took Molly and Charlie to school with the double stroller since the car wasn't back yet from maintenance service.

Went to lunch at the Leela Cha Bar with Kirsty, Nicholas, and Charlie. Not much eating by the little guys--more horsing around. They really enjoy each other's company.

Our car only made it back from the shop by 4:30 pm. It had been fixed, supposedly, on Monday before all the potential unrest on the streets, so they didn't dare deliver it Monday afternoon or Tuesday.

Walked down the street to Jennifer and Sam's, which is Aruni and Siegfried's old apartment (their daughter, Kumali, was one of Maya's closest friends here). They were celebrating Atticus's second birthday.


Thursday, February 8, 2007

Badri will be home early tomorrow--and the kids are looking forward to it as much as I am. I can only try and imagine what it'd be like for a single parent--having just one parent at home to take in all the love, frustration, temper tantrums, etc. without a partner who can come home at some point in the day and break the spell. Sometimes, at the end of the day when Badri comes home, I just breathe a big sigh of relief that someone else is there to absorb the hurricane that three children at once can be.

Maya brought home her close buddy, Adrian, after school. Adrian and his family will be moving back to Germany in the next couple weeks. His mom, Bettina, came to pick him up and we talked about how much we imagine these kids would miss each other once one moves, but sometimes it's more like: out of sight, out of mind. Sometimes the kids mention the friend, but more often they rarely do.


Friday, February 9, 2007

Badri came back this morning after two weeks in the U.S. Landed in Bangalore at 7:45 a.m., and was off to work by 11 a.m. He looked absolutely skinny. He didn't think he could have possibly lost much, but stepped on the scale and had lost 10 pounds (nearly 5 kg). During most of the trip he was sick to some degree, with either cough, congestion, fever, or all three. Chalk it up to late nights, colds all around in Bangalore, and airplane air.

He went with me to pick up Charlie at school on his way to work and Charlie was thrilled to see him at the school gate.

In the afternoon my Swedish friend Jessica came over with her five year old son, Rupert. Molly was napping when they arrived, and when she came downstairs, she and Rupert looked at each other like kindred spirits. They definitely march to their own drummer and have their own quirks. Jessica's and our family arrived in India at about the same time, nearly four years ago.

When Badri came home at 6:30, Molly peaked out from the staircase and when she saw him, her face lit up unlike I've ever seen it. Maya broke down in tears she was so happy to see him. He doesn't often travel for that long a period of time. The last time was a couple years ago.


Saturday, February 10, 2007

Went to Nicholas's 3rd birthday party in Koramangala (Kirsty and Andrew's son). Great crowd of people spread out all over the house and yard, with the music man as featured entertainment (he coordinates games and music for the kids).

We had another birthday party to go to at one of Maya's school mates, Kimberly, but we got home too late and figured it'd be over by the time we got there. Found out the next day it'd gone on 'til 10 p.m. It was just as well we didn't go--Badri's still recovering from jet lag and a bit of a cold. Instead, we watched "Thank You for Smoking" about the tobacco industry lobbyist. Very entertaining satire.




Maya on horseback at the Equestrian Center for Excellence


Molly with Sundar (black pants) helping



Sunday, February 11, 2007

Very laid back day. Did our stroller round of Indiranagar for the first time in about a month.


Molly and Maya doing expressive dance



Hanging out on the front patio



Monday, February 12, 2007

Today was a planned citywide "bandh", or literally, closed. See this link for terrific photos: http://bangalore.metblogs.com/archives/2007/02/bandh_update_successful_insecu.phtml
"It was the day the verdict was announced about the Cauvery water dispute between Karnataka state and Tamil Nadu state. The verdict was delivered against Karnataka state, after 17 years of fierce lobbying by both states.The last time the issue was highlighted, there was rioting in the city. To avoid any mishaps and to maintain law and order in the city there were huge deployments of security personnel in the city and state." Some private parties tried to protect their properties on their own, such as covering their buildings with nets (in one photo, you'll see Badri's building, also the Reuters building).


Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Flew to Chennai for the day to get the house sale documents notarized. When I arrived at the consulate, I thought I must be in the wrong place (knew I wasn't though, because had been there last year to renew Maya and my passports) because it was absolutely empty. Turns out, because of the bandh yesterday, nobody had flown in from Bangalore. Usually families fly on a Sunday or Monday night to come to the consulate Monday or Tuesday morning. I was literally the only non-employer in the consulate.

Stopped by Global Adjustments to meet with Shobha, one of the lead trainers with the relocation agency. They have a beautiful office in Chennai, their main office in India actually. We talked more about me doing some training with them. I'd really like to get started and observe some trainings.

Went to Amma and Appa's house for lunch in Mayur Vihar. Strange to be there without Badri and the kids, but had a great visit. They're very supportive of me going back to work part-time, I feel. I think Amma is, especially, because she can relate to me being a stay-at-home mother with three children. She gave up a singing career to stay home with her children. But before stopping, she'd gone on tour to Cuba and sung for Fidel Castro, and to Chile for Augusto Pinochet.


Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Amma and Appa arrived by train from Chennai for a couple weeks to run the household while Badri and I go to the Maldives on a mini-vacation. I'll be eternally grateful!


Thursday, February 15, 2007

Flew from Bangalore to Male, Maldives, direct on Indian Airlines. Unfortunately, the flight was three hours late and we missed our connection from Male to the island closest to the resort where we stayed, the Island Hide Away at Dhonakulhi. The 43 villas were booked, so we were lucky enough to be bumped up to the spa water villa, where I was able to climb down the wooden steps and swim. It was truly paradise!



Swimming off our back steps in the Maldives




Walkway to our water villa


Bathtub and daybed on back patio



We swam, ate, slept, watched movies, relaxed, and had a side by side massage in our villa. We both snorkeled in coral reefs for the first time, and I came home to find out that it was the first time Mom had done the same thing also, but she was in Puerto Rico! The funniest thing was being underwater and hearing a crunching sound--it was the fish munching on their coral lunch and dinner! Bought a disposable underwater camera and had a great time photographing the creatures. Maldives is one of the top dive destinations in the world, and has more than 1,100 coral islands and atolls that stretch across the Indian Ocean. I'll include some pictures below.


Crystal clear waters



Not a bad pool, either



Hanging out at the bar at sunset



Sunset in the Maldives



Badri at breakfast with our butler



One evening for dinner we feasted on Italian food under the stars, in the coconut grove. And another night we ate in the Asian food restaurant which we walked to from our villa. Ate heavenly local sushi for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. The wine steward was from France, and at dinnertime comes to your table to ask what you're having for dinner, then recommends a specific wine that is appropriate. It was nice to venture into the whites instead of sticking to our stalwart red wine.

An unforgettable three nights. I can't remember the last time I relaxed this much.


Incredible views of atolls from the small plane on the flight back to Male















Monday, February 19, 2007

Went to see Ozomatli in a free concert sponsored by the American Center. In a word: phenomenal. They're coined as a Grammy award-winning latin salsa hip hop band, and from the moment they step on stage they're playing and dancing like crazy. It's the first time I've gone to a concert in a long time where I danced from start to finish. Badri had to step out to be on a conference call, but caught a good part of it.


Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Went to my ob/gyn today because I had a problem one night in the Maldives, where I couldn't relieve my bladder. Dr. Praveena Shenoi (right here in Indiranagar, our neighborhood) asked about my symptoms and upon examining me immediately found I had a uterine fibroid.


Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Took Maya to Dr. Rafael Parambi, a very kid-friendly dentist about 15 minutes from us, just for a cleaning (her molars were also sore).


Thursday, February 22, 2007

Went to Manipal Hospital for a comprehensive health check from 7:30am to 4pm. Had an ultrasound and discovered my uterine fibroid is 9cm by 8cm. The ob/gyn there just said, "You need to have a hysterectomy." Geeze, I thought, that's pretty drastic. Had all the bloodwork done and they found I'm not anemic, which is great. Some women with fibroids become anemic. My only problem is that it's blocking the bladder sometimes. Other tidbits: my good cholesterol is a little low, and my bad cholesterol is a little high. Also, I need glasses.


Friday, February 23, 2007

Had a second opinion with Dr. Jaya Bhat at Manipal Hospital. She's the head of ob/gyn there and really seemed to know her stuff. I'd done a lot of research on uterine artery embolization (UAE), which shrinks the fibroid down without surgery, and she said that's an option I could try. Problem: can't do it in India, as it hasn't been done enough here.

Went back to Dr. Praveena Shenoi in Indiranagar, and she basically gave me the same options: hysterectomy or UAE. So funny--seems like only yesterday I had my kids, and now I'm due for a hysterectomy!

Kirsty came over with her kids for our weekly Friday playdate. Great catching up with her.

In the evening, Badri and I went out to dinner with Amma and Appa at Dakshin, a lovely Indian restaurant at the Windsor Sheraton hotel. I always love going there--dressing up in a sari. Gorgeous ambiance.


Saturday, February 24, 2007

Maya went for a test at Sishu Griha, a local nearby school, to see if she qualifies for second grade (second standard) there. Badri went with her and saw a bunch of people he saw from the neighborhood and/or Neev.

About noon all of us (except Charlie, who was napping) went to a barbecue at the Canadian International School celebrating the completion of the campus. The kids had a blast jumping around on the bouncy castle, getting their faces painted and arm tattoos done.


Sunday, February 25, 2007

Went to Palm Meadows in Whitefield for a Tamil Brahmin ceremony that comes before the thread ceremony. Had a terrific time. We were sitting on chairs watching the ceremony, and Maya whispered into my ear, "Mama, can I touch the grass?" They're not so used to seeing such lovely grass in our part of time. Badri asked if we should reconsider moving to Palm Meadows, something we've always resisted. On the way home in thick traffic, we both looked at each other and said, "No way." We like where we are in our walkable Indiranagar.



Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Spoke with Molly's teacher, Amba, this morning when I dropped off the kids at school. She says Molly's the most defiant child she's ever worked with. Badri and I met with both Amba and Priti, Charlie's teacher in the afternoon. I think we basically need to talk to them about not messing around in class and distracting others.

Starting discussions with realtors to look for another place. We received a letter from our landlady saying we'd need to move out by the end of May. Badri called Parveen, the landlady, and asked her if we'd done something wrong. Her father-in-law owns the house, and he doesn't want tenants to stay too long because in the past, he's had a tenant who refused to move when asked to. They had to get a lawyer to get him to vacate. Also, I'm pretty sure he realizes he could be making a lot more money because the rental market has gone sky high. We paid a little over 80,000rs in 2004, and are now paying a little over 100,000rs (from $1777 to $2444). He could easily get 250,000rs these days, but that's about $5555!!

And on that note--we closed escrow on our San Diego, California house today. The sale has been completed. Our realtor Lori Imhof did a terrific job, and Badri also deserves kudos, communicating with her daily through email and phone calls.


Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Amma and Appa left for the train to Chennai this morning at 7am, going along with Maya to the bus stop beforehand. We had a great visit, and they've been a tremendous help with the children. The older the kids get, the more they enjoy each other.